Hi, I am Jesse Pimpinella. Are you a victim of shirt and or hoodie theft? Well you are not alone.
Every day, numerous hoodies and shirts are abducted by significant others because they "like how comfortable it is" or because "I'm cute in it." Imagine getting that hoodie that is straight fire on you. It feels like you're wearing a loving hug that your father never gave you. Suddenly, you feel like Liam Neeson and your hoodie is TAKEN. This needs to stop.
For one penny a day, you can stop these senseless abduction. Each penny will be collected in a tiny dish so that I may throw them at my girlfriend when she tries to steal my shirt and/or hoodie. Thus putting a end to these senseless and heartless shirt and/or hoodie abductions.
Thank you for your time.
Jesse
P.S. Don't tell my girlfriend I wrote this. Be cool. This is between you, me and the internet!