The Super Bowl- Sh*tting



What is "Super Bowl- sh*tting?"

Super Bowl-Sh*tting - The act of going to a Super Bowl party with no interest in sports, but attempting to discuss said sports ball.

I use to play baseball. I was God awful! My actions would cost the team to lose. But I dreamed of playing as a pitcher, but I couldn't throw a curve ball, a sinker or anything ! My coach told me the only thing I could throw was the game... since then I have asked my Uncle to not coach my teams.

See, I began to talk about baseball in football post. Obviously, this attests for my lack of sports interest.

I don't watch football. People ask me of my opinion of teams, like the Pittsburgh Steelers. My opinion is that the Steelers were in something much better than a Super Bowl : The Dark Knight Rises


Anyways, I am here to help others like me to survive Super Bowl parties that one may be invited to

1) The Art Of Subject Change

As you are stuffing your face with the killer Buffalo Chicken Dip, you may have a person ask" Do you think that (insert rich millionaire sports ball player's name) will pull it off?

My favorite response : "Regardless of the outcome, it shall be interesting game. What are your thoughts?"

Here, I can sound thought provoking while hiding the fact that I am a complete idiot. This response also works for political questions, and for that TV show that everyone has seen except me.

2) Commercials Aren't Breaks

For me, sitting with a cup of soda, and watching the hilarious, and sometime inspirational commercial is the equivalent of sitting in an art house watching short films. Okay, maybe comparing a commercial of Danny Devito swimming in chocolate for M&Ms is a stretch. AH SCREW IT, that is art!


Now, make sure you do not ignore the game and take piss break during a play. You have to look like you are watching the game.

I suggest having a sports spotter. This person must know what is going on and is cool with feeding you lines to says that make it look like that you understand sports.

3) Homework...Just Know The Teams

Seriously, google "the super bowl" and figure out which teams are involved with the match..er I mean game. Game is the correct term, right?

4) Don't Gamble

Stick to the spread that you would place on a bagel. This is what I tell myself when people are asking me to bet on the game. I always just say I am a raging gambler in recovery. Hell, I will show them scars that I got from childhood and swear that it was a "reminder" that a bookie once gave me.


5) Half Time Show

From what I could piece together, there was two NFL teams that opened up for Lady Gaga last year. That Super Bowl Party was just a Lady Gaga Concert Watch party for me. I had a fan boy screech when she broke into "Born This Way."


Enjoy your Super Bowl Party and remember...you aren't alone!


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Created by Jesse Pimpinella