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  • Jesse Pimpinella

Night Clubs Suck!

Updated: May 17, 2019


Last night, I was invited to a place called The Short North Food Hall at 12:30am. Never have I heard of it, but it sounded like a Late Night Deli that I'd totally dig!

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Upon arriving with my friend, it turns out to be a loud night club. People were bumping and grinding so hard that people were just a few denim rips away from making a baby. Women were dancing on tables and I was like "that look unsafe and unsanitary"

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Obviously, nightclub were never my place when I was single. Whenever two girls would talk to me and my friend, I was always the gernade one friend took so that the other could talk to my friend. Hi, I'm Jesse "eyesore Fugly Friend" Pimpinella a.k.a The Gernade. I felt bad that the one girl got stuck with me because I felt that I had ruined her night out. To safeguard from this, I would prepare cool facts about Batman just for this occasion so that I may at least entertain my guest. So far, it's never worked. It was so akward. You could tell that she would rather be talking to my friend than me. Being there was so awkward; I would rather be getting blown by a piranha.

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So, in retaliation to this deceitful business name, I shall open a place call the Night Club, where we serve club sandwiches at night! I shall drop judo kick anyone dancing on my tables! BOOM


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Created by Jesse Pimpinella