Phones Help Us Get Laid!

I am lucky that I never had to use an APP to date. It looks terrifying. You don't know who is showing up to the date. Could be a Catfish, a Distant Cousin or a Serial Killer. Or a distant cousin who is a serial killer. Family reunions will be AWKWARD!Instead of an app, I had a wingman.

Wingmen were essentially used-car salesmen for your weiner. They would make you look good and try to sell you to anyone that you decided to flirt with. My wingman would slap the hood of my weiner and say "this baby is reliable!"

Since that dick slap, I have not been on speaking terms with Ted. I just miss the good ole days where you could run into someone, fall in love...then grow to hate each other, break-up, she holds on to you dead uncles stuff like a psychopath, you meet on neutral ground to exchange each others stuff: Dunkin Donuts. Then she's trying to bang people you know...I'm sorry. That got a bit out of hand. All a true story though. In all honesty, I am not trying to say my one ex was whore-ish, but she probably has calluses on her knees from her nightly activities! And may use her mouth as a form of currency. But I'm not judging!

That's all for now!

Jesse!

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Created by Jesse Pimpinella