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I Miss Snow Days

Jesse Pimpinella

As I am writing this, I am sitting in my cozy apartment, which is tucked away in a stoic building that stands tall in the downtown heart of Columbus, OH.

Snow is wonderful, dangerous, fun, and deadly. Hell, let's call it sexy! Because everything is sexy now-a-days. I remember seeing review for an old Fast and Furious movie and one critic describe it as "Sexy." Why sexy? What films, other than porn, can make you feel that way?


I miss snow days. I remember watching the 6 o' clock news. playing the "Is Our School Is Closed" lottery. When my school would show up at the bottom of the screen, I would jump up and dance like a a guy not being the father on the Maury Show.

God, those are some sweet moves. My dance was so ugly, that people would leave the room. You'd disappear like a Kevin Spacey Fan Base.

Remember when snow days meant you go out and play? Now, we just Netflix binge and/or have sex. Trust me, people have sex during these heavy snow days. I have a few friends that have babies, and 9 months ago from the date of birth was one of the biggest snow storms that year. Coincidence? Maybe, but I highly doubt it. Trojan should start sponsoring snow days. Is that possible? Someone research that and get back to me.

Before Netflix, I would build snow-forts, snow men and snow women. I would then play priest and marry them. Men to women, women to women, and men to men. I was an equal opportunity type of snow priest.

However, before I could be perform my snow-ordained duties, I had to shovel the drive way. Shoveling the drive way, was tradition in my family. The strongest and oldest grandchild must go to my grandparent's house and shovel their drive way.

' Their driveway was large enough to be a subsitute location for a 1000 person walk-a-thon. I didn't have a work out plan, this was the work out. The Rocky IV training montage would have been completed if there were a few shots of Rocky shoveling my grandparent's drive. What I am trying to say is by the time my MP3 player sung out "Heart on Fire" 10 times, I was complete.

So after shoveling my grandparent's driveway and marrying 10 snow-persons, 4pm would roll around and the sun as set. I would then go inside, watch a batman flick (The Tim Burton duology because it was 2003) and I would go to bed, knowing I have school tomorrow. But I would indulge in a few superstitions like flushing ice cubes down the toilet, and wearing my PJs inside out. These rituals are said to bring about another snow day.

Anyways, that's all for now. Stay Safe and Warm


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