The Roast Of Santa Claus and Other Insults!
- Jesse Pimpinella
- Dec 10, 2019
- 2 min read
Updated: Jan 7
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Besides Stand-up and theater shows, I will sometimes participate in fun comedy roast such as THE ROAST OF SANTA CLAUS, which I did recently ! Many character were on the show, and I was Harry of the Wet Bandits from Home Alone. Here are some nice roasts
*WARNING! I am playing a character that is mean and it is a roast! What comes next is mean. So yeah! There's the warning. Carrying on! Much like how Bob Marley didn't actually shoot the sheriff, don't take this serious!
To Buddy the Elf
-Your movie had Santa, flying reindeer and, yet, the most unbelievable part of the movie was you f*cking Zooey Deschanel!
To Rudolph
I heard other reindeer laughed and called you names. They said you should never fly. The only time you should ever be off the ground is dangling from a noose
To The Grinch
If you pay attention to the film, The Grinch was found outside of a key party. A nice film innuendo. Your adopted mother was Missy Screw Who!
"While the Grinch survived his situation
Screw Who got double penetration.
Another guy said "could I eat you out?"
She replied "yes" with a shout
But you may not eat me in a house, you may not eat me with a mouse, you will not eat me in a box, you may not eat me with a fox, you may not eat me here, but there Sam I Am!
To Frosty
Your Christmas Special sucked. I've seen better comedic timing from Epstein's neck and a noose.
To Santa
Writing jokes for this was harder than Santa taking photos at the mall
You're famous for making a list of Gentile kids, checking it twice, and visiting them. Congrats, you are the opposite of Hitler.
Grandma Got Ran over by a Reindeer and I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Two songs about two women in my life you've plowed!
While I did my best to look like Harry from the Wet Bandits, others said I looked more like Gru!
Thank you for reading!
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