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Comedy Occupational Hazard; The Night I Went Blind

Jesse Pimpinella
Welp, this is gonna hurt!

2 years ago , I performed and ate the MOST INCREDIBLY HOTTEST WINGS KNOWN TO MAN! The show was ran by a shifty con-artist kind of comic.

"Yeah, Jesse, so you tell jokes while eating hot wings! Simple as that! People laugh at your jokes and your pain. Seriously, these spices can be found in mace."

Me: "Mace? Is that safe?"

"Of course it is, they sell it in stores don't they?

So it was my turn. I get on stage and begin to tell jokes. Between punchlines, I ate a wing. The spices began to drown my tongue like wild fires. I begin to speed through my act so that i may get off stage and save my mouth. I hit the last punchline, get my applause and sprint outside.

When I arrived outside, I began to spit out any saliva that was infused with this nightmare spice. But the wind caught the mist of hot sauce that was spat from my mouth and threw it back into my eye! I swear I thought I was gonna be blind! I let out a horror movie scream! People scrambled around me and took me to the bar's bathroom and shoved my head deep into the putrid sink. I was unable to see for total of 15 minute. I was sure that I was blind. After receiving a light amount of improvised water boarding, my sight came back. It goes to show, I will risk it all for a laugh!


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